Men aren't really from Mars! Their brains are just small...

I never was one for science....somehow escaped taking chemstry...was forced to suffer through physics. And biology is just a big blur. But somehow I picked up a couple books on the brain recently. One of which says the human brain has the ability to make you believe what it wants you to believe. (Maybe that's why when people tell their version of events and its no where close to what happened....and you say "do you really believe that's how it happened" and they say "yes", they aren't actually lying...their brain is!)

But the more interesting of the two is called The Female Brain...it basically describes the changes that take place in the female brain in the different stages of a woman's life. Fascinating stuff...like every brain begins as a female brain. But then about 8 weeks after conception, some take a turn for the worse when excess testosterone shrinks it....serious. I'm not making that up....that men aren't acting clueless when we think that how we are feeling is so obvious...they really are clueless because their brains aren't wired to pick up on feelings unless they are blatant like us throwing things at them or crying...unlike our girlfriends, who's estrogen increases give them gut sensations.

But one of my favorite parts says that some scientists believe that different genes and hormones are what cause some men to be monogamous and others to be a 'lady's man'. Males with a longer version of a certain gene tend to be more reliable and trustworthy partners. I tell you, science is simply amazing. Now if only someone could create a test, kinda like a pee-on-a-stick pregnancy test...where we can test potential boyfriends for their gene pattern.....

How can dentists watch people droolin all day long?

I don't think I could be a dentist. Staring into people's mouths all day long.
Today, I had the joy of going to the dentist. And after a few years of no problems, I needed some work done. I put it off for as long as I could but today I couldn't run anymore.
Needle, needle....drill....drill...drill....rinse....I drank the water, leaned back to swoosh it around in my mouth, when I realized, the water was already coming out......I quick leaned back up to the little sink and let run out what didn't already come out of my mouth....I quick turned around hoping the dentist wasn't watchin me, as the drool created the usual string from the sink to my lower lip....good thing, she had stepped out of the room.
Needle...drill....drill...never mind that there's saliva running out of the corner of my mouth and down my neck....but with the mirror, the drill, and that little suction thing hangin in my mouth, couldn't really tell her what was happening......uh oh gotta rinse again. I was ready this time though....and was able to keep most of my spit off of me and in the sink. I think I would have preferred to have just gone to work today....

If I was Trinidad's Prime Minister, my first matter of business would be STREET SIGNS.

Sometimes memories help us to get through those tough days where everything just seems so gloomy.....so while thinkin of this story helps me think of a good time w/my friend who's havin a tough time right now, you can get a laugh at...u guessed it...the comedy of errors called My Life.

I think on my 16th birthday, and not a day later, I asked my father to teach me to drive so I could get my license. Not that I was bad, but it was maybe two lessons before frustration set in, and he said he was done with me. So he turned me over to a driving instructor who constantly asked me if I had somewhere to be that I was in such a hurry......"hot foot" was what the judge in jersey called me before he told me how much I owed.....and "you don't drive like a girl" is what countless guys told me the first time they witnessed me drive. so even when we think we're foolin our parents, we all know, my dad knew what kinda driver I was going to be. All he asked though, was that I didn't attempt to drive on my trips to Trinidad....driving in Trinidad is just a whole nother ballgame.

"car rentals" in Trinidad often consist of an average Joe, (well there it would be a Sheldon or something so) who borrows his cousin and neighbors cars, and "rents" them out. And the roads....picture the narrowest road in the city, squeezing two lanes of traffic, with the most pot holes (never mind Trinidad literally has pitch coming up out of the ground) and cars parked in no particular direction or order, and you've got your average Trinidad road. Oh, and don't forget they drive on the opposite side of the street as here. Ideal conditions right?

So do I need to say that one year, I wanted to learn to drive? On the first day, all my guy friends fought for the BACK seat. Brennon was the only one that day who believed in me. But believing in me didn't mean he was a fool. He quickly devised a plan for us. You never notice until you drive on the left side of the road, that after driving for years on the right hand side, you, although its ever so slowly, you still tend to go towards the right.......and abruptly tellin me "laura, you are about to be driving on the wrong side!" isnt very calming, reassuring or most importantly, safe! So whenever I'd get too far to the right, up would pop his arm, like a traffic guard saying "stop"...I see it, slowly veer back to the left, and he'd put it back down when i was goin ok.....At first, as you can imagine, his arm got a lot of exercise. But the guys were quickly realizing, that hey, lj's not too bad at this!

The real test came though, when it was time for Brennon and I to go get his wife in another town.....So we get ready, get the directions, and hop in the car. Windows down, sweet caribbean breeze blowing, soca playin on the radio, and men at every light selling soft drinks, or roasted peanuts, so we have plenty snacks. This will be my first time driving on one of Trinidad's highways.....which I'd say closest resembles a very very long Eastern Parkway with a few less lights and completely without the benches and trees in the middle...You have the highway that runs east/west, and the one running north/south. We just need to go from Laventille to Couva. Just north to south. So how hard could this be?

About 10 minutes into the ride, the sweet caribbean breeze turned into an evil stormy gust, and carried the directions OUT of Brennon's hand, and OUT the window. Don't worry he says, he's been to tracey's aunts a bunch of times. He knows where we're going. We're already heading South, the way we need to go, we'll be fine. I've never been to South Trinidad so hey, its just cool to be goin somewhere new, and I can practice my drivin skills at the same time.

Well, about an hour and a half later, we're passing probably one of the first signs we've seen, and its for San Fernando.....And I don't know much, but I know San Fernando is FAR. I don't even know of anything being PAST San Fernando. So with my sharp reasoning skills, I say Brennon, I think we gone too far....Yeah, I think so too he replies. We passed it somewhere....So we turn around...back we go.....About two hours later, with rush hour traffic building, I realize we are back near where we started...yep. We went too far....again. Remember, its like Eastern Parkway. A straight road. No bends or turns. Straight. But somehow, we missed Couva. So we turn around again.

Now the sun is starting to set. But we gonna get it right this time. But another hour passes, and still no Couva. BUT, we found San Fernando. AGAIN. Ok, we realize we're in over our heads. We turn around. AGAIN.

I've honestly blocked out how many times we turned around that day. I know it was sunny and hot when we started out, and it was dark and over 4 hours later when we finished. Finally we found a cop, asked where couva was. He replied 'You go 2 flyovers (translation - overpasses) and at the exit after the second one, get off.' As we drove that SHORT, SHORT stretch of road, we realized, there's no sign for Couva......but when we got off at that unmarked exit, what did we see? "Welcome to Couva"....Thanks. We figured that out now.

Ok, well now that we're in Couva what do we do. A fascinating thing about trinidad. A fella is standing in the road, and we ask him for *insert tracey's aunt's name* he says while pointing 'go so, make a right, go so, make a left, make a next left, and the one, two, three, fourth house is hers'.....and it was.......too bad we didn't have him in the car with us from the beginning.

*footnote - it would take the average person about 45 minutes to make that day-long trip*

"No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends"....and three bottles of wine!

Thanks sex in the city for the quote!
Remember I said I attempt to make something positive out of a bad situation????
Here's a little story.....subject - bad situation. characters - *enters rashida and erica stage left*

I'm a stubborn, when my mind is made up, its made up kinda person. *I know, big suprise to some of you right?* so I was living with my boyfriend....after a great start, the relationship was going like that ride at an amusement park....the one that they strap u in, take you straight up up up up up, where u feel like you can touch the sky.....then...with the blink of an eye, your stomach, along with your lunch, is in your mouth attempting to come out, and you're plummeting to the ground, just praying for it to be over.....

I was torn about what to do, wanting to make things work out ok, cause *at the time* i didn't think he was a complete dick. but after what was my last nite of wishing the ride was over, I woke up the next morning, cussed him the way only I can do, and left for work. By 10am, I had booked 3 movers and a truck. By noon, I was out of work. By 2pm I've got boxes and am stopping at the liquor store. Its going to be a long nite so I pick up 3 bottles of wine. "You having a party?" the clerk asked. "sorta" I replied. "what's the occasion" he asks. "I broke up with my boyfriend and I'm moving"...he didn't really know how to reply to that. By 3pm I was back home, packing, for the movers who were showing up, the NEXT day....luckily, when I moved, I didn't take all of my vast assortment of stuff *read TOO MUCH CRAP*, just what I really needed......feeling like I got myself into this mess, and I'll get myself out, I resolved to work things out on my own. But Rashida and Erica had other ideas.

Straight from work, in the pouring rain, came rashida. *as many of you may know, I have a LOT of crap* i'm a movers' nightmare. Did I mention the elevator was not working at the time? And I lived on the 5th floor?? RIGHT. So here comes Rashida with her we gonna get this done attitude. And off to packing we go. She's so strong, and I of course, have to pretend that so am I. My ex who it felt like avoided me and the apartment, of course, this friday night, has no where to be but on the phone talking about our relationship from his side of the story....and there I cracked. But that doesn't shake Shida. We goin to our favorite mexican restaurant she announces. Put on your clothes, and let's go.

*and there enters erica* A pitcher of sangria later, we're gitty like we're about to go pack me up to go off to college so back to the apartment we went to finish the job....and the three bottles of wine in the fridge. You could tell what bottle of wine we were on by the boxes. The ones with the room marked and taped, to the ones with 8 and 9 pieces of tape yet none of them actually CLOSING the box...the boxes with odd deformed shapes to them, because things fit perfectly in them, only to a drunk person....the faces of "it wasn't me" when you heard things breaking..I was worried when they pulled out the crazy glue - to glue what, i'm still not exactly sure.....or the "TAKE ME TOO" barely legible, written on the oh-so-important box of instant oatmeal......But by 1am, everything was boxed and stacked by the door, ready to go.

I cried myself to sleep that night, but so much of it was exhaustion and just knowing it should have happened long before and being upset with myself......because i knew without a doubt, when all the signs said that my stomach was going to come out through my mouth, it won't. Cause I have people like them to count on, to squeeze their arms on the ride down, and hug when we land safely and go off to our next ride in life....and i don't have to do it alone, because they'll be there to do it again if they have to.....

Men, Sports & them Losing to Women..BAAAD combination.

So I try and tell myself - to always find the positive in a bad situation.
So, out of my last relationship, one of my positives is my increased knowledge of sports. Football and baseball particularly.

So last year at my suggestion, my ex and I had a fantasy football team. He helped me with the draft, how to pick vs. bench my players each week, etc. etc. And I did learn a lot about football. I ALSO learned, he ain't know shit either. Cause out of the whole season, we won ONE SINGLE GAME...UNO.....ONE......*sigh* But the person I am, I was happy with our one win, and was determined to come back the next year, and beat the pitiful record.

Well, not all the other team captains felt the same way. One guy in particular was very vocal about my record, and felt "people" who didn't know a lot about the game shouldn't be allowed to participate. I'm sure the fact that was a girl, in on a guys' thing didn't help. You'd think he'd be happy that the weeks he played me, he had an easy win! I felt if I wasn't bitchin and moanin about losing, why should he be upset?? But say what.

So football season has come around again....without my boyfriend though. And I signed up for my team again. With some hints here and there from a good friend who is undefeated in our league, I'm at it again. Its only week 6, and I've beat last years record, I've got 3 wins and 3 loses. So I've accomplished what I set out to do.....and this week, was given a bonus.

The same fella, who felt I shouldn't be in the league.....I played him this week......the score was 231 to 167...and guess who won. ME GODDAMNIT!!!!! He's livid. Complaining about the performance of his players, the scoring system, etc. But the best was, he said if his team played 20 games, lost 19 of them, he wouldn't care as long as he beat me! Doesn't that seem a bit harsh???

Poor thing, I feel sorry for people like him....Well, maybe not him.....Now for me to learn the art of male trash talking, so I can go rub it in his face...... :)

He hid behind a pole from me....

so in addition to having troubles moving, and keeping from getting lost...another area of difficulty for me...dating....actually difficulty is putting it lightly.

For some reason it seemed easier when I was younger, but that just might be because with my shabby memory, I don't remember how shitty it was back then too....

Anyways, about 13 years ago, when I was a freshman or sophmore in undergrad, I met this guy at a bbq. He went to school in DC while I was in school in NY. So we hung out a couple times that summer, and I don't remember talking to him except for when he was home on break.......Okay guy, but nothing to do cartwheels *if you could do cartwheels* over.

Every couple of years, we'd run into each other. Catch up on our whereabouts, lives, and say we'll keep in touch, and I don't. Something about him was always to eager always wanting to meet up or go out. (Like the time I ran into him in ah fete in Miami. We chatted, but I wanted to hang wit the girls, so I did the infamous "gotta run to the bathroom so I'll catch you later" But he had one up on me, and goes, "I'll walk with you".....and he proceeded to wait outside for me to come back out.....steups.....

So fast forward to 2006. One morning I'm waiting for the LIRR, and who is waiting at my station..but HIM. So we chat on the 40 min. ride into the city, and exchange numbers. He texts me that evening, and we catch the same train going home together. We coordinated trains for a couple days here and there for a couple weeks...and caught up on life, work, dating horrors, reminisced on college days..expected him to be a bit more pushy but this isnt bad I think..I didn't mind the chats but wasn't interested in going out with him..but something struck me as a little...I dunno....just OFF. He has an excellent job, VP of something at Citicorp, yet lives with his brother in my neighborhood. But if your our age, in my neighborhood, you're either livin at home with your parents, or your married. Its just how it is....

Well, with my moody self, one Monday morning, I wasn't interested in mindless chatter. So I didn't text him, and I didn't hear from him to see what train I was taking. So I'm waiting for the train with my better companion, Mr. Ipod. And out of the corner of my eye, I see him coming up the stairs. GRREEEEAAAAT I sigh.....There went my quiet time. He didn't realize I saw him coming, and I noticed he made a funny motion with his hand...with what looked like....nah......I've got an active, and VERY suspicious mind....Stop it LJ....good morning he says, looking a bit anxious....So we board the train....we sit across from each other, and the entire ride, he's got his arms folded, hands tucked under, in his most likely sweaty armpits. Til he yawns, and covers his mouth. And there we have it ladies and gentlemen..I wasn't nuts. The strange movement I noticed, was him taking his wedding ring off...isn't it great how a ring leaves that mark on a finger??? So I wonder to myself, should I even say anything? Or let him think he's fooling someone?

"So, you married?" I half state, half ask, as I point to his finger with the pale mark where his ring used to be...10 minutes ago.....
"seperated for 4 months now.....its a long story...it started out as papers and..........." I zone out for the rest of his senseless babbling......and just go "OK, I hear you".....

Couple days later he texts me, "hey wanna hang out friday?" I was having a pretty bad week, dealing with the aftermath of a breakup and was no where in the mood for games. I replied what your wife's out of town? no thanks.......simple, yet affective answer because a month later, I haven't heard from him again.

Until this morning. Walking to the train I see his car, and mumble OH GREAT. well, I think it was more than mumble. Wonder if he heard me cause I looked up and there he is, walking back to his car, from buyin his train ticket. I say good morning, and he replies and then says he's going to park. I never miss a step in the exchange, and begin to dig frantically for my buddy, Mr. Ipod...what if he wants to talk? expand on lies......my man lets me down, because his battery is dead...Maybe he'll take the next train I think.....well, I didn't have to worry. Instead of coming up the stairs where we normally stand, I saw him walk up the stairs at the far end of the platform, and stand behind the pole until the train came.....I boarded with a laugh, sat down, closed my eyes and woke up in Penn Station with a smirk on my face......I made a grown man hide from me.

Nothing in Life is Free!!

The ridiculousness of my evening last night drove me to start recording the comedy of errors called My Life.

We should all know by my age in life, that nothing, nothing...NOTHING in life is free....But I insist on learning the hard way...

Was talking to a friend about Craigslist and she said they have a section for FREE STUFF! where people are trying to get rid of things, and she said how she scored some good stuff. Now I'm in the process of moving...I think...Well, maybe not now...that's another story in and of itself. So yesterday I saw a posting from a guy who's got 50+ moving boxes and packing material that he's giving away. Now that I've made a career of moving, I've spent hundreds of bucks on boxes. So I thought HEY this is great!! So I emailed him back, he replied quickly and we arranged to meet. In Hoboken, New Jersey. Its 5 minutes from the Holland or Lincoln tunnel he says.

So I think, ah one toll and some gas, and I'll score over $100 in stuff! So after work, I get into my car, and start on my way....but as I drive, I think hmmmm....who is this guy, and why would he go through the trouble....I can benefit from this but what does he have to gain? And then, being me, the WORRIER, i start WORRYING. what if this is a set up? and there are no boxes? or there are boxes, and they are disgusting. OR WORSE, HE'S DISGUSTING. some sex offender, rapist, serial killer......I'm now at the entrance to the tunnel.....Well, I think to myself, 2 of my friends know where I'm going. If I don't make it home tonight, my mom will call them first, and they will tell of my whereabouts. The police will seize my computer, and find this guys info....if he is a real person.....when the police break down the door to his house, he'll be long gone...I quiet the people in my head and say it'll be ok......and now I'm through the tunnel. in JERSEY. That drive wasn't too bad. Only took me 40 minutes to get from Queens to the Tunnel. So i'm in JERSEY. And I realize.....Have I ever had a good time driving in Jersey? for my friends, you know the answer to this....HELL to the NO!!!!

So, an hour and change later, touring 3 neighborhoods, who knows how much gas, and 6 phone calls to "Matt" (in which i learn he and his wife just moved here from MASSACHUSETTS so I realize he is as clueless as I am as to how to find my way).....I realize most would have long given up, but I am stubborn....I've officially come to the conclusion, that this is STUPID....yeah only then do I realize it, and I'm about to give up. when i see a sign WELCOME TO HOBOKEN. Horrid memories of my day lost in San Fernando, lookin for Couva come rushing back. But now I'm there, and I find the place, Matt, and his 50 boxes.

So I finally met Matt, dressed in his khakis and polo shirt, who apologized profusely for the trouble. Very nice guy. His wifes' job relocated them here, so they were moved professionally and thought it was a waste to just throw all these good boxes away. Wow. People like that really still exisit??? So I loaded my car til I could fit no more of boxes, bubble wrap and the such...getting outta Jersey was a breeze and not a moment too soon....now I'm all set for the move!!! which...when I got home, got a call, that move may not even happen.....*sigh* BUT I'VE GOT FREE BOXES DAMNIT!!!!!!

And this is my life....to be continued...